Rachel (i already responded to your comment Kaitlyn, so yeah):
-wait, right about what? i'z comfused...
-? oh please rachel, do tell! (and ink-and-paper men do not count. neither do people in yours, my, or anyone else's head)
-stupid hormones... stupid society... STUPID STUPID!!!!!
-(i have no experience in this field so this is just speculation) but isn't it LESS complicated? i mean, you worry about someone else more, but you're freer with yourself at the same time...
-if i could meet a celebrity, any celebrity (or group of celebrities), i'd choose T.A.N.. then maybe that actor that played Percy Jackson (i'd bring you guys too of course!).
-i don't know about the 'closer to God' thing, but i guess it reminds me of how broken i really am.
...and how empty i feel inside...
-yes. i'll look for the post/comment for you!
Dick Francis died today... he was 89, and one of my favorite authors ever. A champion steeplechaser-turned-mystery-author, he wrote numerous books that all somehow connected to horses. Whether searching for a plane saboteur or investigating the death of a jockey, his characters are always human and aren't afraid to get a little dirty in the process of protecting themselves, their friends, and their livelihoods.
that said and done, i have some pathetic whining to get out of my system. then time for random thoughts.
Pathetic Whine:
ok, i know i'm not the only one to feel this way today. so why does it hurt so much? i guess that a few months ago, a few weeks ago even, i would've pictured this day so differently. so what did i do today that was so pathetic? i got up late only to be yelled at for my laziness, did laundry and helped my dad chop/stack wood for the woodstove, then went skiing and came home freezing to watch the Olympics. yes, that's it. no contact with friends, no nothing besides family. oh wait, i lied. saw my neighbor/ex-first love working in the parking lot at Spring Mount, and waved hi. he smiled and waved back. end non-family contact.
i know something's wrong with me. if it weren't, why would i feel like this? what is it about this date that brings out the hopelessness inside me? why do i feel so alone, today of all days? is it because i'm not pretty? because i'm not athletic? because my personality's annoying? because i have trust issues? because i have issues period? because i don't believe the facade i put up? is it because i'm not religious?
Rachel, you talk about how you imagine God's arms around you when you feel lonely. does it really work? because i tried last night when i was trying to go to sleep, and i didn't feel anything...
isn't it sad? even my own subconscious is telling me how pathetic i am...
Randomness:
-i found myself speaking japanese to myself today. then a little while later i heard myself speaking a language i've never heard before. i remember some of it, i'll look it up later. it was probably just random syllables though...
-Apollo Ono is awesome. he speed-skates on the short track and it's amazing to watch. i think i have a new sport i'd actually like to watch on tv! (besides tennis). actually, he's my favorite sports figure, besides Raphael Nadal (tennis player). Nadal's spanish, and he's neurotic and a great athlete at the same time!
-from my above comment and what is always taunting me from the back of my brain, i've deduced that i seem to have a liking for guys that can speak spanish. though Ono's half-Japanese and was born in washington...
-i just heard them playing Taylor Swift at the Olympic Pairs Skating competition. though 'You Belong With Me' is a great song, it has its place. and in my opinion, that place is not at the Olympics. but whatever.
-senpai emailed me earlier. he and sheena aren't going to the dance, they're 'just gonna stay in and enjoy each other's company' instead.
-my mom has decided that she wants me to become a multi-millionaire by the age of 18. she heard about some 15-year-old starting a spam company (computer spam, not processed-meat-substitute spam) that's now worth millions.
-i found/repeatedly watched the awesome video at top there. thanks again for sending that to me Otaku-chan!
-i really like the music that the Pairs skate to. especially this one pair, Jessica Dube and Bryce Davison, from Canada
-the pair that came on after the canadians is really amazing. the guy's outfit is a little weird, but they're really good. they're from China, something Pang and something Tong (i didn't get their first names). the music they skated to sounds like something from Spirited Away! and she's really pretty. he's... eh. but their skating is...wow.
-ooh, another chinese couple has come on! their music sounds like it's from a pirate movie! the costumes are still... eclectic, but their skating is good too.
on a completely different yet still connected note;
WANTED: tall, single guy. MUST hate Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana/whatever she's calling herself now, love books, music, animals, nerds, and being outside. PREFERABLY able to speak (some) spanish (or any other language), likes manga/anime, and/or watches the National Geographic/Science/Discovery Channel. HELPS to be tolerant of sarcastic comments, morbid fascinations with fire, explosives, and various weapons, and British accents/humor
the end. bye!
yes i am going to make this post EVEN LONGER!
i found the post that the person proposed to me on. it's titled 'Responses!' and was posted on Storm's Blog on September 24, 2008. if you're that interested/confused that someone would actually propose to someone like me.
ok, now bye for real! bye!
wow. i just realized what a freakin' long post this is.
ReplyDeletesowwie!!