Turtle is DEFINITELY nom!

Epic storm is going on..... well, just went on. it stopped now. after a five-minute torrential downpour and a three-minute power outage, it is now merely hot and sticky and annoying. my brother is monopolizing the wii, and i have that annoyingly awesome video in my head. and i just downloaded the song.

yes, i'm THAT much of a nerd haha

um...... not much else went on. besides going over to chibi-chan's house for a sleepover, and after everyone else (aka Kaitlyn and Rachel) left, i drove us to the nearest Rita's. I had a lemon water ice, and chibi-chan had a twist custard on a cone.

oh, AND! i'm rereading Yu Yu Hakusho. it's a shonen manga full of demon powers and actiony goodness. and Kurama. heehee..... I am a Kurama fangirl. I acknowledge this, but do not believe that it is a problem, so i'm not going to the meetings. now it would be a problem if he was real. by the way, i call Advent Children Sephiroth. Kaitlyn, you can have video-game sephiroth, but the movie one is MINE! i love his voice...... (chibi-chan+youtube=amusing oddness)

anyway, see ya!

wait, i don't actually see anyone but Kaitlyn and Rachel off of here, so if anyone else actually reads my blog, um..... comment ya?

yeah.... let's try this again...

anyway, read your comments (if any haha) later!

envirothon!!

so.... yesterday was the state envirothon competition. the team (and our advisor) left tuesday after school, and we drove for like three hours until we got to the hotel. by that time, it was about eight thirty and we hadn't eaten, so we drove around for about half an hour before finally deciding to eat at Friendly's. I got a burger and fries, and Fish (my bestest envirothon friend and only other female on the team) and I got two-scoop one-topping sundaes. we all went back to the hotel, and Fish and I filled our ice bucket and stayed up until around 1 or 2 am talking. then we got up at around seven (well, I did. Fish got up around 6 or 6:30-ish). it was decided the night before that we would all meet for breakfast at 7:30, so we could get to the grounds before the competition started at 9. Rover decided that we were going to be earlier for the competition, so he called me at 7 and told us that he and the boys were at breakfast. by the way, this was without the consent of our teacher. or the other members. needless to say, I was rather angry at him, and the fact that he was completely self-centered and unapologetic only added to my annoyance.

the test was..... rather hard. and very long. and the day was quite hot and sunny. i got rather tan. but anyway, at the end, we finished and ended up 26 out of 66 teams. well, 65. one of the teams was disqualified because two members had their cellphones out. but still, we were in the top half, and 10 places higher than our rank last year, which was our goal (the top-half part). so that was pretty good.

um...... that's really all. nothing much interesting happened today. except for the fact that we have off school tomorrow and monday!

X3

wow.... epic fost-pail!

work yesterday was rreeeaaalllyyy slow.... it felt like forever!

oh, and i drove to work. alone! it was nice... except there was a festival-thingy today, and someone decided to park two feet behind me. another person parked about six inches in front of me. beside a 'no parking' sign. took me like four tries to get out. i felt like leaving a note on the car in front of me saying "Park a little closer next time". but i didn't. i had no pen. or paper. T.T

on a different-but-similar note, CONGRATS RACHEL!! Rachel applied for a summer job at the library, and she was hired!! we're work-buddies!

then that night, my family and two friends-of went to dinner. it was me and my brother and our parents, and my brother's best friend and his mom. we went to red lobster. it was really expensive, but there's something really satisfying about getting the meat out of crab legs yourself. plus they let me combine sprite and lemonade in my cup. and it was from the fountain! free refills yes!

AND i got to hang out with Rachel this weekend! friday night (the 14th) was 5/14, so her youth group had 514 day! they follow i think it's Matthew 5:14, which says something that can be loosely interpreted as 'teenagers are the light of the world', so may 14th is a big day. there was rita's water ice and soft pretzels and games and (ugh!) pictures. everyone stood in the shape of 514 and a circle with a flamey-thingy in the middle. in contrast to nearly everyone else, who was wearing red (the flamey-thingy) or black (everything else), i was wearing white. and i stood in the front of the picture. the circle, to be exact. whee visibility.

oh yeah, and friday was..... interesting. in biotech, we had our end-of-year 'special learning activity' which means 'party'. see, administration only allows 1 'party' per year, so we periodically have 'special learning activities' that happen to involve food. so my teacher brought in all sorts of food and means by which to cook it, and had us prepare breakfast from raw ingredients! i was on the pancake station, and the juice/smoothie station. and since we didn't have any means by which to toast stuff, i grilled bread and english muffins. oh, and since i actually like washing dishes and things like that, i was also the clean-up person. it all went really well, and in the end i ate in that two hours more than i eat in a normal day. but it was goooddd -.- ...it was also kind of awkward. one of the adults in the class (there are 4 of them) was talking about his son. apparently, he looks kind of like Chase Utley. what does he look like? (help pwease!!). and apparently if i were a year older, he would introduce me to his son, who is 19. awkward? very much so.

so today was... interesting. i woke up at around 8:30, and then fell back asleep until about 10. everyone was gone. so i got dressed, did a load of laundry, finished my homework, and got a call from my dad around 1. he basically told me to drive to the farm (a long-time friend of his has a 100-acre farm about forty minutes from my house) and wait for him. i got there, and he and my brother drove up, and got into my car. they had come from my brother's soccer tournament, which his team won. my dad directed me to a park near my grandmother's house, and it turns out that there was a family-reunion/mother's-day-party. so there was about 60-100 people in the park, most of whom i was related to. the only significant group that was not boyfriends/girlfriends of cousins/aunts/uncles, was my grandmother's friend's family. apparently, they used to live down the street from each other, so the families grew up as friends. so the friend brought his two sons, who had about 7 or 8 children between them. most were below the age of 10. actually, all but two were. one was a girl, she was about 13 or 14, and the other was a (frankly rather attractive) 17 year old guy. i think his name was Richie... or maybe Rich. anyway, i mostly hung out with one of my aunts (i have about 16-18. never really counted.) and about 4 or 5 of my cousins. they came and went, so the number changed. anyway, that aunt's really crafty, so she brought like 100 skeins of embroidery thread/cord. she also brought different patterns for making friendship bracelets, but those were really lengthy and annoying, so we stopped after around 5 minutes of trying. then we got the idea to braid the cords together, and i crocheted mine with my fingers. then a different aunt's crazy (boy)'friend' came over and played really obscure songs, while we listened politely and ignored him. when he was gone, Richie, who was sitting nearby (we were on a blanket on the ground, he was in a plastic chair a few feet away) asked if he was in a band. i said "i really hope not" (he kinda....sucked. no offense intended, but it was weird). then i asked why and he told me that he was looking for a band. boy plays guitar (acoustic and electric), piano, AND harmonica! i basically said "wow" and mentioned something about just being able to sing. apparently he was looking to join a band. i invited him to make bracelets with us, and he accepted and joined us on the blanket. he then revealed to me that he didn't know how to braid. i told him to pick three colors (he picked red, gold, and dark blue) and asked him to tie a knot in the top. after about five to ten minutes of trying, he showed me his knot. he tied the three separate strands together individually. i corrected the knot for him, and taught him the basic motions for braiding three strands (bring the outside strands into the middle. over and over and over and over etc). he eventually finished his braid, and i helped him tie a knot in the end. he proceeded to attempt to tie it around his own wrist, and after trying (and failing) about three times, asked me to tie it for him. i agreed and tied it for him, blushing slightly internally when he said something about it being like a marriage ceremony (he helped me tie my bracelet earlier).

and then i came home and blogged. the end!

d(^_^)b

news.... stuff

1) I presented my grad project to the class yesterday. I was really nervous, and had to dress really nice all day 'cause I got graded on appearance, so that didn't help. I almost went over the time limit (20 minutes. I stopped at just short of 19), but apparently I was good. I actually got a really good bit of advice from my ever-awesome english teacher, about just adopting a character and playing them. I suppressed myself, and played a character instead. And apparently the character was good.

2) I got my drivers' license! Took my test at 8:30 today (I was the first appointment scheduled). It was actually not that bad, I parallel parked first, and only tapped the curb. Then I had to go out onto the road, and almost crashed into the back of a minivan that pulled out in front of me, but managed to swerve around it. The rest went ok, and when it ended, the examiner just said "You passed" and got out of the car. I had to get my picture taken, and fill out a few forms, but I got back to school right before third period started.

Yeah...that's really all. nothing much else happened lately.

so..... um..... nightnight!

post-prom+Kaitlyn's post

herro everyone! yeah, i'm TIRED!!

so... post-prom. everyone went over to chibi-chan's house earlier (like, when real prom started), and she made us dress up. i wore a black and white dress over blue leggings and my boots. there were a lot of M&M's!!

so after everyone was there (me, Chibi-chan, Otaku-chan, Manga-dealer-chan, Fish-chan, and Loud-kun), we had tacos and watched Sherlock Holmes (which Loud-kun brought)

then, at around 10:30, Rachel arrived and we all went to the school (which is about 5 mins from chibi-chan's house) and went to post prom. well, all of us except chibi-chan (who forgot ID) and Rachel (who forgot her sign-in papers). they told us to go on, so we went into the new gym, which had three HUGE inflatable thingamajiggers. one was like a maze (where Loud-kun won against Fish-chan and Manga-dealer-chan won against me), one was like a rock wall (didn't go on that one), and one was like a spin off of dodgeball. it was like two corridors seperated by a mesh wall, and each was divided in half by another mesh wall. on one side of the wall, there was nothing, but on the other side there was a bag full of the kind of balls that are in a ball-pit, and also a padded belt attatched to a bungee cord. the point of the game was to try and hit the person on the bare side of the wall (i.e. me or MD-chan) with the balls on the other side, but the thrower (i.e. Loud-kun or Fish-chan) had to go against the pull of the bungee cord to get close enough to the holes in the mesh wall to throw accurately. i don't know about MD-chan, but for some reason, i hit Loud-kun more than he hit me! it was kinda cool.....

then we went upstairs and into the cafeteria, which was set up like a combo mock-casino, dining area, and karaoke-place all in one. with a lot of free space in the middle. anyway, after winning 5 bucks at a dice table, we signed up for the raffle. i put a few tickets in for various coupons, and divided the rest between a laptop and a nintendo DSi. then Kaitlyn and i went off for an adventure ourselves, we half-finished a checker game and then went down to hear the band that was playing. by then i was getting worried about Chibi-chan and Rachel not being there, so i went to wait for them and left a lot of nearing-hysterical messages. then we all... well, i don't really remember. but we went to get airbrush tattoos and i got two (the character for love on my left wrist, and the character for eternity on my right). i'm actually thinking about getting a real tattoo like that...... also, skeeball was involved, and both pina coladas and strawberry daquaris made with rita's water ice (with mini-umbrellas in them!) were as well. i went down alone after a while to listen to a band i knew, but they started playing music that wasn't my taste (Scandinavian industrial, to be exact), so i left and found the others, who were playing the word-song game. after a very short round of truth-or-dare and another of 'never have i ever', it was time for announcements like who won the raffles and stuff like that. Rachel won.... something.i don't really know what it was, but it had '$40.00' written on it!! and Fish-chan won a set of speakers and a flash drive (she gave me the flash drive and sold the speakers to Loud-kun), and Chibi-chan won the DSi! and all was good..... except Lilac and Rover were having a bit of a problem. well, more specifically, Lilac was having a bit of a problem with Rover completely ignoring her.

oh, and i don't remember exactly when, but these were also during post prom:

-completely failing at air-hockey against Loud-kun

-chibi-chan WINNING at karaoke

-somehow convincing Monotone-boy that i was alternately on shrooms or 'marajoowana' (he started it, not me)

-and having a completely EPIC game of air-hockey with Otaku-chan. she ended up winning!

so then we had to go, and i went back Chez Chibi-chan. i slept in their guest room until about 8 or nine. then stayed until my dad picked me up around 6

oh yeah, and i also took the SATs yesterday before post-prom. they..... weren't as bad as i thought they were gonna be. we'll see if that's a good or a bad thing when i get my scores...

Post for Kaitlyn:

this actually started out as a comment, so i'm gonna copy-paste that in first:

i know the feeling. not the God part, but the loneliness and fear and sadness and self-loathing and coldness. and i feel privileged to be able to see inside your head, even if just for a minute (i read fast, remember? X3).

i'm really glad that you're starting to feel better about yourself and your 'fate', and just want you to know that if you ever need to talk to anyone, just call me or randomly show up at my house, ok? i mean, you're gonna be able to drive soon, right? (hinthint).

or you can talk to Rachel. it was in her that i found peace, and comfort, and maybe belief that i'm not just fat and ugly and a terrible person and over-emotional and pitiful and contemptable and worthless.

just..... don't give up, ok?

and now for the elaboration...

look, i know i'm probably not the best person to give advice like this, but Kaitlyn, you are perfect. isn't there a Bible verse somewhere that says 'You saw me in my mother's womb, you made me in the secret place. (i can't remember this part...), for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.' Kaitlyn, if God really is as good as everyone believes He is, and if He really is as great as He's believed to be, there is a reason that you feel the way you do. Maybe it's a message, maybe it's to make you stronger, but there has to be a reason. If God created you, and made you to be perfect the way you are, then why do you feel bad about yourself? isn't that like telling an artist that his masterpiece is all wrong? look, i know you're not perfect, and that perfection is such an aspect of our daily life. "lose weight and you'll be happy" "i tried this product and it made my life better" "get perfects on your SATs or you'll never be able to accomplish anything in your future" "the way you are now isn't good enough, do this and you'll be better" all those voices are screaming and point fingers, yelling "imperfect!" "flawed!" "different!" "BAD!!". but there's one voice that's whispering so quietly that you have to strain to listen, saying "Perfection is fleeting, I am eternal. Be happy, and you're the most beautiful person in the world. Society isn't what made you, I am. and I love you, for you are my beloved, my individually perfect, my creation." Kaitlyn, isn't that what God says?

I know that sometimes His voice can get lost in the overwhelming tide of life, but it's still there, isn't it?

Kaitlyn, i am far from perfect. i don't even know if God exists, let alone if he loves me. i can't imagine anyone, anything loving someone as pitiful and as worthless as me. i've tried to take my life once before, and seriously considered it too many times to count. i used to cut, but i stopped. and now i did it again. i keep scratching at old scars until i bleed again. i try to drive people away, they're too precious to hurt, but i end up hurting myself in the process. i don't want people to care, because that's what hurts me most of all. i'm weak. i'm fat. i'm ugly. i'm cold. i'm cruel. i'm over-emotional. i'm unsavable. i'm pitiful. i'm worthless. i'm unlovable. and i don't hear God's voice. i hear Rachel's.

Kaitlyn, if God created the universe, and everything in it, why did He create you? He could have created anyone; another Leonardo DaVinci, another JRR Tolkein, another Shakespeare, anyone. but He created you instead.