yeah, the last few days are... negligible. nothing really important happened, except senpai is now visiting us in the mornings, giving chibi-chan and rachel to go 'aww' much more often. oh, and my mom found out that i accidentally took my pocket knife to school today. i now have no pocket knife, and my ears are still ringing from the 'lecture' (aka yelling)

why am i so sad?

actually, i'm not just sad. i'm sad, i'm angry, i'm disappointed, i'm depressed, i'm sick, i'm shivering, i'm ashamed. and the list goes on...

i can't get rid of this feeling. reading won't make it go away, music intensifies it. eating until i throw up does nothing, exercising made me sick. and crying only makes me want to cry more...

and what triggered this pathetic pity-fest? what, do you ask, prompted such dramatic sorrow?

senpai can't come to the concert.

yup, that's it.

the whole reason behind my pathetic sadness is that i'm disappointed he can't come. it's not even like he didn't want to go, his parents scheduled something different that he has to go to.

but still, this afternoon when he hugged me goodbye, i nearly broke.

i'm so weak...

maybe if i stopped eating it would take it away... or if i took some sleeping medication to take myself away from it...

i'm gonna go read 'life's challenges', in my blog list. it usually makes me feel better...