my feet and hands ache, my eyes hurt, my head is pounding, nearly every muscle in my body is in pain, and i can barely hear or speak. and yet, i'm happy.
yes, i just got back from the concert with otaku and her family. it was really good! first there was this australian band, called Revive, and they were awesome (and had cool accents!), then there was this dude called Robert Pierre or something, he's only 17, but his voice almost made me cry it was so good. then FireFlight came on, the lead singer changed her hair to all-blonde, but it was still amazing. though the mike didn't pick up on a lot of her vocals, so it didn't sound too good. then the NewsBoys came on, they were... interesting. then there was a break and i got a FireFlight t-shirt and a NewSong CD. oh yeah, they performed before the break too, i loved the guitarist, he was so cool!then after the break, Tenth Avenue North came on, and i did cry then. something about hearing 'Hold My Heart', and 'By Your Side' performed live, right in front of me, made tears come to my eyes. i wiped them away before otaku could see though. then some other bands that i don't remember came on, and the preacher came up (he did a short thing in-between every band). he was telling us about how we should give up our sin, our worldly possessions, and exchange them for eternal life in heaven and our souls, and how it was like exchanging a penny for 50 dollars. then he asked everyone to bow their heads and pray with him, and i nearly cried then too, because i felt like i was the only one in the entire world that deserved to keep their sin, that i didn't deserve to go to heaven with all the wonderful people that i know.
then Third Day came on, and their music was really cool. it was kinda like a country-ish rock thing, and not many bands could pull it off, but they did. then, when they were done, they said the most beautiful prayer about how they know some people came to the concert with problems, some came with broken hearts, but they wanted it to be a sanctuary from those problems, even for a few hours. they talked about their lives before God, and how once they put their faith in Him, they found peace. then they (and everyone in the crowd) sung a beautiful hymn, and i cried again. i felt like they were speaking to everyone that was Christian, everyone that knew God. everyone that wasn't me...
but the music was absolutely amazing, so it was all good!
kat-chan, sooo many people at these concerts have little to no interest in God. the Christian bands don't think they're any better than anyone else. and you deserving to keep your sin? babe (sorry if that sounds creepy), that's the point of the Jesus thing. no one deserves to be free of their sin. we've all turned our backs on God, the one who designed us and loves us even when we break his heart. i know i've done a lot of crap that maybe people would assume i'd never do. i know i keep telling you this, but the only way i've managed to survive this depression and all is forgiveness. i know God will never, ever stop loving me. plus, he gave me incredible friends like you to keep me going. heaven and Christianity is all about grace and mercy, how we have been given a "get out of jail free" card in spite of never doing anything to warrant freedom. i am no better than you or any other Christian or nonChristian. you are no worse than anyone else. we ALL fall short of God's standards. otherwise, there would be no need for Jesus. "one voice in a driving rain one voice in a sea of pain could the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart?" he does. oh, katherine, he does! the stories i could tell you... most recently, there was a day i truly felt like giving up. entirely. so i imagined God's arms wrapping around me in the biggest hug of my life, and i cried and cried, and after that and talking to my mom, things started to get better. i am a Christian. that doesn't mean i am perfect or that my life is perfect. but there is an unconditional love that i haven't earned that keeps me strong.
ReplyDeleteremember, i love you. whatever happens, no matter what you do, even when you think no one could ever forgive you, i'm here.