happiness+sadness=life. life-.9happiness+amazing friends=me.

lately i've been listening to a lot of Fall Out Boy music... and Creed. Creed's pretty awesome, but not as awesome as F.O.B. (just my humble personal opinion). and i found out that now any time i listen to By Your Side or Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North i cry. not just live, like i thought, but ANY TIME! yes i know i have problems...

and thanks rachel. that was a very long, very sweet comment. i just have some issues with it:

i am in no way selfless. it would hurt me to see senpai unhappy, just like any of my friends. and i don't like being hurt...

i don't like doubting you rachel, but i am extremely dubious of the opinion that there are 'plenty of boys that would be thrilled to have me'

the ... after singledom is well-placed. and well-used. in my opinion, only people who are gorgeous or who have been not-single can 'relish in singledom'

thank you. i love you (in a completely platonic way) too!

(if it matters,) did you see the thingy at the bottom of my page? i love runes... they're so fascinating, aren't they? you don't even have to believe them to appreciate them, they have so many different meanings...

kind of like words...

sorry to take your spot rachel...

but i kinda need to vent/whine.

so senpai has a girlfriend. her name is sheena pennock. and she may be 'dragging' him to the winter dance. oh, and senpai told rachel not to tell me he had a girlfriend. that is all i know.

this is what i hope:

i hope she's prettier than me (not hard)

i hope she's smarter than me

i hope she's kind, and sweet

i hope she thinks of and does little things that he'd love

i hope she has a great smile, and smiles at him often

i hope she has a great sense of humor, and makes him laugh

i hope she likes the same kind of books as him, and can recommend ones he'd like

i hope she can comfort him when he has a problem

i hope she can tell his emotions from his eyes, not his words

i hope she has the same taste in music as him, and can introduce him to new bands

i hope she's Christian, so they can relate to each other through a common faith

i hope she likes hugs, giving and getting them

i hope she knows how to ski, and can teach him

i hope she likes exercise, so they can do it together

and, most of all,

i hope she's grateful to have him.

because he deserves it...

OMZ KAT-CHAN'S BLOG!!!

Hi. This is Rachel. Squee!!

So, Kat signed into Google for something, which is connected to Blogger, so when we went to my homepage, IT WAS KAT-CHAN'S BLOG! YAY! So now I am posting to her blog, and it is FUNNN!!!

Her hair looks lovely. :) She always looks gorgeous though. :)

Bye now!

guess what the surprise was!

I DYED MY HAIR!!!

yeah, now my hair is like four shades darker. almost like a dark-chocolate color. it took soooo long though T.T i have so much hair, they had to use two applications' worth just for me! they used three different colors, one i can't remember, one called (yum) bavarian chocolate, and one called blueberry. it has a blue base, to counteract the golds in my normal hair color. i still can't believe it, every time i see my hair out of the corner of my eye, i'm confused for a second until i remember!

yeah, so today, school with my new hair was... interesting. i got a lot of shocked looks, and a lot of 'i never thought you would do that!'s well, i guess i expected that.

oh, and i found out today that i gained weight from last year. enough to significantly impact my waistline. my ski pants from last year don't fit... if i try to sit down, they hurt...

i... had a bit of a breakdown there. but that's to be expected. fortunately no one in my house heard, so they think i'm ok with it. so now my dad and i are going out tomorrow to buy me some bigger ski pants. why is it that whenever i get upset, my parents buy me something i don't really want or need?

oh, and i have even better news.

guess what? senpai got a girlfriend! that's who sheena is. and apparently they may be going to the winter semiformal together! isn't it great?

BLUEBERRY!!!

aww! Rachel, you're always good for a self-esteem boost.

and you'll still tell me about the other day, right? pwetty pwease?

oh, and i have a surprise for you! actually, it's not something that can be given, per se, but it will (hopefully) prompt a good reaction!

so today school was... ok. we had a sub in chemistry and finished our lab, english we had circle time and talked about Edgar Allen Poe and the Fall of the House of Usher. social studies we're studying Islam, but we had an IOC drill (that's Intruder On Campus for you out-of-the-loop peoples), so we sat in the dark for like ten minutes. math was boring, and senpai hasn't been coming out at 11:15 to see me, so i just went to tech. biotech was cool, we have an event called 'direct the Director' coming up, so we had to review what we're going to teach the Director to do. imma gonna teach him how to pour plates!

yeah, that's about it. oh, rachel. do you know who sheena pennock is? senpai just emailed me asking if i knew her. i don't.

see ya!

i wore a tie to school today. and had to teach 3 people how to tie one...

mood persists. oh, and some other symptoms:

hypersensitivity (especially to sound, and i have sensitive ears already! T.T)

persistent headaches

and insomnia

plus the emotional symptoms; irritation at trivial things, crying my eyes out whenever i think of certain things, classic depression symptoms, distancing myself from people, oh and paranoia. and claustrophobia.

i'd say i think i'm going insane... but everything i've ever read on the subject says that one shouldn't be aware of the process.

oh, rachel? what were you trying to tell me today? you said something about me 'not seeing' something, didn't you? will you email me?

ok, that's really all i have to say. i just had a driving lesson in my dad's truck. that thing's scary!

yeah... that's all i have. bye!

>.> <.< YAH!!!!! *slaps random person in back of head with fish*

Rachel: yes. and the reason i asked was because we were discussing a nickname for me (you know, like when i call him senpai), and he suggested 'smexy-chan'. so i was confused. it sounded like a compliment, so i denied it, but i wasn't sure...

so the last few days were... ok.

oh! i gave my english presentation today! apparently, i got an 'A', so that was good. though i think describing the Philly mafia as 'fun' scared a few of my classmates... oh well, i was gonna scare 'em anyway, might as well be sooner than later... so yeah. that's really the only thing that happened... besides senpai not answering my emails. but we still talk in person, so i'm guessing that he's just not checking his account.

oh well, that was basically it...

oh wait, something happened.

my parents came home from skiing/snowboarding, and are livid. not at my brother, oh no, he's blameless. at me. just because i was on the computer when they left and when they came back doesn't mean that i was on it for two hours straight. just because the fire died down doesn't mean that i didn't feed it. just because the dogs' water bowl is empty, doesn't mean i neglect them. and just because my brother didn't put his cup in the dishwasher, but on the countertop, doesn't mean that i am lazy. my mother decided i wasn't 'doing my part' for the family, and set up a new rule; once i get home from school, i get ten minutes to check my email, then straight to homework. then i have to do a 'chore', like cook dinner or wash dishes from dinner (which i usually end up cooking anyway), or do laundry (which i do) before i can go on the computer again or watch TV.

oh, and apparently i've been 'angry lately' according to my dad. but of course all of my issues are 'for attention', says my mother.

i need help... and sometimes i think i'm the only one that sees that. isn't the screw-up supposed to deny having a problem?